Monday, August 30, 2010

...In the Shape of You

Hi all,

Last night I was watching the Emmy awards after spending a weekend at home in MA with family and friends. I thought it was gonna be a good show, and on top of being freakin hilarious, there were a couple things that really stuck with me after the final award had been handed out.

The first thing was when George Clooney was presented with the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award. I wasn't expecting much, other than some (sincere) gratitude and some shout-outs about Katrina; but his comments were:

"It's important to remember how much good can get done because we live in such strange times where bad behavior sucks up all the attention and the press, and the people who really need the spotlight, they can't get any. The truth is, look, when a disaster happens, everybody wants to help. The hard part is that seven months later, five years later, when we're on to a new story. Honestly, we've failed at that most of the time. That's the facts. I've failed at that. Here's hoping a very bright person can find a way to help keep the spotlight burning on these heartbreaking situations that continue to be heartbreaking long after the cameras go away. That'd be an impressive accomplishment."

Now, I'm not ordinarily a huge Clooney fan - not that I dislike him, I just haven't had much of an opinion either way toward him - but I have to say I think this was a powerful and necessary message. When something terrible happens, as a society we are pretty good at immediate response, but we seem unaware of the fact that these things don't go away just because we forget about them, or because we think we "did our part" to help. I think cancer is very much like this... some people are gung-ho immediately after someone close to them is diagnosed, or even when someone famous is diagnosed and hosts a telethon of some sort, but a few months or years later they've lost that passion to fight the disease, to raise awareness, to keep it in the spotlight. I wish it didn't take some kind of crisis, whether international or personal, for people to stay active, to stay involved. Make no mistake that it is our collective responsibility to take care of each other. Don't think it doesn't apply to you - it applies to everyone.

The second part of the show that really hit home was Jewel's song during the "In Memoriam" part of the show where they honor the memory of those in show business who passed away this year. The song was called "Shape of You", and the lyrics so accurately describe how I feel about losing Grandpa. I'm also not typically a crazy huge Jewel fan (same deal as Clooney, could take her or leave her), but this song is something really special.

September settles softly/Leaves are startin' to fall
And I recall the last time you were here
Your laughter a melody that lingers still

There’s a hole in my heart/And I carry it wherever I go
Like a treasure that travels with me down every road
There’s this longing lonesome, deep/Kind of bitter kind of sweet
There’s a hole in my heart/In the shape of you

Time stealing swiftly/As children having children of their own
Around life’s merry go round goes/And there you are watching what you cannot hold

There’s a hole in my heart/And I carry it wherever I go
Like a treasure that travels with me down every road
There’s this longing lonesome, deep/Kind of bitter kind of sweet
There’s a hole in my heart/In the shape of you

Even though my heart aches/There’s a smile on my face
'Cause just like the window to heaven/There’s a light shining through
This hole in my heart

There’s a hole in my heart/There’s a hole in my heart
There’s a hole in my heart/But it’s in the shape of you

Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Month Already

Exactly 1 month ago today, Grandpa passed away. Time has flown, and at the same time it's stood still, if that's possible. I had a really hard time saying that he "passed away" at first, and trying to utter the word "died" wasn't anywhere near my realm of possibility. Instead I would say that he went to be with God and the angels. It's still hard to talk about... the loss I feel is palpable. Sometimes I swear I can feel the crack down the middle of my heart. It's like it's not so much beating as it just throbbing, at this point. I knew it would be hard - the minute he got diagnosed I knew this time was coming and I knew it would be horrible. I just didn't know it would be this excruciating.

But, I do believe he's with God, and I do believe he's with the angels - he's probably flirting with all of them, in fact - so that is at least the slightest bit comforting. His spirit is everywhere: every time I remember to shut off the lights in the other room, when I shut off the water while I brush my teeth, when I reach for my re-usable grocery bags, when I probe perfect strangers about their personal lives, when I probe close friends about their personal lives, when I see roses, when I buy local, when I successfully sleuth out an answer. That's Grandpa, or at least a few small pieces of him. He's the voice in my head when I'm questioning what to do, and he's the moral compass that always guides me north. I more strongly feel courage of my convictions when I think of him. While he may not be physically present, I feel him with me.



i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Back at it

Hi all!

Yes, I am back at it - I am officially going for marathon #2! I'll be running with Team in Training for the January 2011 Phoenix marathon.

As you all know, I run for my Grandpa. Some of you may not have heard that he passed away 3 weeks and 1 day ago from leukemia. There's only so many times I can recount the story and give the details, so please see my fundraising page for more info:



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Please check back here often for updates on training, fundraising, and good times all throughout the season! Thank you in advance for all the support as I go for round 2.

Love,
Rachel