Down and Dirty

Sorry for slacking on the blog posts!! It's been an eventful few weeks. I got to spend a few days in Massachusetts staying with Grandma, which was lovely. It was great to see her and I'm happy to help her with whatever she might need, but the house is very strange without Grandpa there. It was weird, I was almost waiting for him to come around the corner from the living room, wearing his dark green sweater, glasses on, and carrying a print out of some kind from the computer (most likely a freshly penned Letter to the Editor). His slippers are exactly where he left them last; I put my feet into them for just a second, and I swear I could feel him there with me. I saw the jar where he used to keep his jelly beans, the straws I bought for him when he had trouble drinking out of a glass those last few days, his medicines in the bathroom, etc. He's still very much a part of that house, and while it was tough and sad for me, it felt nice at the same time.

I came back to the city for about 24 hours and then headed off to the Hamptons with 7 of my TNT kiddos to cheer them on for the Hamptons half marathon - and they all ROCKED IT. I really love running, but I also really love cheering runners on. I know exactly how they're feeling, and I want to pump them up and keep them going strong. Everyone hit their goal - Rob PRed at 1:26, Sarah Ray went sub-2 for the first time, Kate ran her first ever half at 1:59, Layla PRed at 1:52, and Rory had a great race despite a nipple mishap. My friends are beasts - and it was SO fun to cheer them on.

I got back to the city last night and then headed up to the Bronx at the crack of dawn to run the Merrell Down and Dirty mud run!! I ran it with my friend Steph, who is new to TNT this season. What a bonding experience, man. It's a 5K race with military style obstacles and lots o' mud, and there were military volunteers at every obstacle either yelling at you or cheering you on, depending on their personality :) The obstacles included climbing over marine hurdles (VERY hard for us shorties, thankfully some nice guy gave us a boost for the first one!), crawling through dirt, climbing up a cargo net, crawling through thick mud, climbing over a wall, wading through the OCEAN (yes, in October), climbing up a sloped wall that had been made slippery with Paul Mitchell shampoo (they sponsored the race), and ultimately military-crawling under ropes through a massive mud pit at the end. It was SO MUCH FUN!! The running part was mostly trail running and I totally wiped out at one point - and when I say wiped out, I mean I tripped on something and did a full superman layout in the woods. I popped up immediately and kept running though, because I'm a badass (the reality is I wasn't badly hurt, just scraped the crap out of my knees and shins).The irony is right before I fell we were saying "I wonder what Michael Conlon would think about us doing such a hazardous race during marathon training." Fail.

After the race we took some pics (see below!) and then went back into the ocean to get CLEAN. You wouldn't believe the places we had mud... The line for the changing area was way too long, so we just stripped behind a bush - and when I say "bush", I mean an area that was pretty much in full view for EVERYone. There's only one way to get off soaking wet clothes, and we were freezing, so it had to be done - plus it makes for a funny story. Oh and the medals for this race were dog tags - how cool is that?

All in all, it's been a great week - time with family, TNT bonding, and great races :)

Muddy girls at the end of the race!!!

Damage from falling on the trail. Other knee/shin looks like this too. Ow.

I Eat Half Marathons For Breakfast

I ran the Philadelphia ING Rock N Roll half marathon this past Sunday. That's right, we're a week into the season, and I pulled off 13.1 miles. How did this happen, you ask? I'm not entirely sure myself, but here's what I got so far:

I registered for this race several months ago, because I liked the timing and Nicole was moving to Philly for grad school so we decided to run it together (by "run it together", I mean run the same race at drastically different paces). As race day grew nearer, I'd planned to increase my mileage and frequency of runs, but given the record-setting heat NY experienced this summer and my lack of brain cells, I didn't train at all for this bad boy. Up until the train ride down to Philly I wasn't actually sure I was going to go through with the race, figuring I would hurt myself or not be able to finish.

Well, I ran that race, I didn't hurt myself, and I finished strong! I wanted to take it nice and easy, do a little jog through the streets of Philly, and have a good time. Somehow that's exactly what ended up happening, despite my complete lack of preparation. What I gathered from that race experience is three-fold:

1. Racing is very temperamental... no matter what you do (or don't do) to prepare, there's no guarantee you're going to have a good or bad race
2. A flat course is a gift from God
3. I am in much better shape than I give myself credit for

I think #3 is the most important thing. I have come bananas far since I first started running on the reg. I went from aiming to finish a 10K last year to being able to run a half marathon more or less on a whim. Who am I?!? I am so much stronger and more capable than I think I am.

At the end of the race I was feeling pretty awesome, enjoying the beautiful Philly weather and taking silly pics at the top of the art museum steps (a la Rocky). It was the best I've felt after a race, no question, and I was just feeling the happy when I saw a girl with a t-shirt that said "There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up." I could not agree more, and it was the perfect way to end the perfect race.


National Grandparents Day

Well, I survived my first National Grandparents Day without Grandpa. It was a sad day for me. I wished so badly that I could call him and hear him say "How do you DO?!" as only he could when answering the phone, or even send him a colorful email with large font and lots of exclamation points telling him what a fabulous Grandpa he is. As my uncle said so poignantly at the funeral, he was known for his courage and his encouragement. Two fabulous qualities in a grandparent - ones not easily duplicated. He would always tell me, "You're grand, Rae", and I would always respond back with a smile and say, "So are you - it's in the title".

Today was doubly hard because I ran the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure (for the billionth year in a row) in memory of my stepgrandmother, Judy. For those who have been following this blog since San Diego, you know that Judy died in April of 2003 from breast cancer. I miss her all the time too, and I proudly run that race every year in her honor. Stephen Colbert spoke before the race again this year and as always, he managed to lighten the mood, so that was nice, and then Nancy Brinker (founder of the Susan G. Komen foundation, she is Susan's sister) got us off and running. I ran a nice easy race, got a bunch of great pink swag afterward, and it was a really great atmosphere. We were 25,000 strong, so that's 25,000 people racing toward a cure. It lifts your heart.

Grandparents in general lift my heart. It's such a special relationship, without the tension or baggage of the parent/child relationship, and with a common understanding of family and each other. I am so fortunate to still have 3 wonderful grandparents out there and to all of them I wish a Happy Grandparents Day <3

That's What's Up

Tonight at our final pre-season practice, I ran with the amazing Alicia, who is new to TNT this season. I had met her before (she's a friend of the equally amazing Lindsay "Steel" Brady) but I'd never run with her before. She was a little nervous about completing the work out, which was a 2.05 mile run, but she did GREAT. She was saying how she's not a runner, and she wasn't sure she could make it without stopping, and she wasn't wearing the right shoes, but she sincerely rocked it. Her pacing was perfect, she kept up the conversation the whole time. At the end of it I asked how she felt and she said "I feel great! I can't believe I ran the whole thing!" I remember that feeling of not knowing whether or not I could do something, and the feeling of breaking through those barriers. It's so inspiring to see someone else going through it now.

At the end of practice after we stretched, 2 random guys in the park approached me to ask about what the hell all these people dressed in purple were running for! I told them all about TNT and the training and the races and they were so interested. They were giggling at the thought of seriously attempting 26.2, and they were excited about the coaching aspect, and meeting all the great people. At the end of the conversation one of the guys said "And it's for leukemia? That's what up!" Yes, my new friend Dan, that IS what's up. They'll be joining us this Saturday morning at the pre-kickoff info session, and I am psyched and proud to have convinced them to give us a shot.

I'm feelin' good after that. Even the condensed amount of sunlight can't diminish the inspiration, motivation, and general warmth I feel tonight.

...In the Shape of You

Hi all,

Last night I was watching the Emmy awards after spending a weekend at home in MA with family and friends. I thought it was gonna be a good show, and on top of being freakin hilarious, there were a couple things that really stuck with me after the final award had been handed out.

The first thing was when George Clooney was presented with the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award. I wasn't expecting much, other than some (sincere) gratitude and some shout-outs about Katrina; but his comments were:

"It's important to remember how much good can get done because we live in such strange times where bad behavior sucks up all the attention and the press, and the people who really need the spotlight, they can't get any. The truth is, look, when a disaster happens, everybody wants to help. The hard part is that seven months later, five years later, when we're on to a new story. Honestly, we've failed at that most of the time. That's the facts. I've failed at that. Here's hoping a very bright person can find a way to help keep the spotlight burning on these heartbreaking situations that continue to be heartbreaking long after the cameras go away. That'd be an impressive accomplishment."

Now, I'm not ordinarily a huge Clooney fan - not that I dislike him, I just haven't had much of an opinion either way toward him - but I have to say I think this was a powerful and necessary message. When something terrible happens, as a society we are pretty good at immediate response, but we seem unaware of the fact that these things don't go away just because we forget about them, or because we think we "did our part" to help. I think cancer is very much like this... some people are gung-ho immediately after someone close to them is diagnosed, or even when someone famous is diagnosed and hosts a telethon of some sort, but a few months or years later they've lost that passion to fight the disease, to raise awareness, to keep it in the spotlight. I wish it didn't take some kind of crisis, whether international or personal, for people to stay active, to stay involved. Make no mistake that it is our collective responsibility to take care of each other. Don't think it doesn't apply to you - it applies to everyone.

The second part of the show that really hit home was Jewel's song during the "In Memoriam" part of the show where they honor the memory of those in show business who passed away this year. The song was called "Shape of You", and the lyrics so accurately describe how I feel about losing Grandpa. I'm also not typically a crazy huge Jewel fan (same deal as Clooney, could take her or leave her), but this song is something really special.

September settles softly/Leaves are startin' to fall
And I recall the last time you were here
Your laughter a melody that lingers still

There’s a hole in my heart/And I carry it wherever I go
Like a treasure that travels with me down every road
There’s this longing lonesome, deep/Kind of bitter kind of sweet
There’s a hole in my heart/In the shape of you

Time stealing swiftly/As children having children of their own
Around life’s merry go round goes/And there you are watching what you cannot hold

There’s a hole in my heart/And I carry it wherever I go
Like a treasure that travels with me down every road
There’s this longing lonesome, deep/Kind of bitter kind of sweet
There’s a hole in my heart/In the shape of you

Even though my heart aches/There’s a smile on my face
'Cause just like the window to heaven/There’s a light shining through
This hole in my heart

There’s a hole in my heart/There’s a hole in my heart
There’s a hole in my heart/But it’s in the shape of you

A Month Already

Exactly 1 month ago today, Grandpa passed away. Time has flown, and at the same time it's stood still, if that's possible. I had a really hard time saying that he "passed away" at first, and trying to utter the word "died" wasn't anywhere near my realm of possibility. Instead I would say that he went to be with God and the angels. It's still hard to talk about... the loss I feel is palpable. Sometimes I swear I can feel the crack down the middle of my heart. It's like it's not so much beating as it just throbbing, at this point. I knew it would be hard - the minute he got diagnosed I knew this time was coming and I knew it would be horrible. I just didn't know it would be this excruciating.

But, I do believe he's with God, and I do believe he's with the angels - he's probably flirting with all of them, in fact - so that is at least the slightest bit comforting. His spirit is everywhere: every time I remember to shut off the lights in the other room, when I shut off the water while I brush my teeth, when I reach for my re-usable grocery bags, when I probe perfect strangers about their personal lives, when I probe close friends about their personal lives, when I see roses, when I buy local, when I successfully sleuth out an answer. That's Grandpa, or at least a few small pieces of him. He's the voice in my head when I'm questioning what to do, and he's the moral compass that always guides me north. I more strongly feel courage of my convictions when I think of him. While he may not be physically present, I feel him with me.



i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Back at it

Hi all!

Yes, I am back at it - I am officially going for marathon #2! I'll be running with Team in Training for the January 2011 Phoenix marathon.

As you all know, I run for my Grandpa. Some of you may not have heard that he passed away 3 weeks and 1 day ago from leukemia. There's only so many times I can recount the story and give the details, so please see my fundraising page for more info:

Please check back here often for updates on training, fundraising, and good times all throughout the season! Thank you in advance for all the support as I go for round 2.

Love,
Rachel