Triple Bypass

Hi all -

Yesterday we did the infamous 3-bridge run, which evidently is also known as the Triple Bypass by some NY runners. We ran from my coach's PT office down the West Side Highway, then over the Brooklyn bridge to Brooklyn, over the Manhattan bridge (to Manhattan), then over the Williamsburg bridge (to Brooklyn), then turned around at the end of the Williamsburg bridge and ran it again back to Manhattan. We then ran up the east side and back to the PT office. Have you ever run a massive New York City bridge? Yeah, try doing it 4 times in one long run. This did not feel good, I'll tell you that right now. I just had a really crappy run. The bridges were hard (so much for "no more hills"), my pace group was running ahead of pace, my breathing wasn't awesome, my legs hurt after Brooklyn, and I had a lot on my mind. It just wasn't a good run for me.

I quickly took my ice bath and jumped in my rental car to head up to MA to celebrate Grandpa's birthday though, so that was great to look forward to. Ordinarily this would've been time for chemo round 3, but Grandpa has opted to discontinue the chemo treatment for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately for the past month the poison has left him with "about as much energy as a wet dish rag", and it has completed depleted his quality of life. That's not what I want for him - that's not what anyone wants for him - and I completely support his decision. We want him to be able to enjoy his life and do the things he wants to do. Plus Grandpa is an extrovert in the truest sense of the word. He feeds off being around other people, and he needs that social interaction. He hasn't had the energy to correspond with friends and family, or do most of the things that he loves. I know how frustrating that must be. I wish the chemo didn't make him feel so badly... though while I'm wishing for things, I really wish he didn't have cancer.

So I made it up to MA through a boatload of traffic, and I got to spend a few precious hours with him. He didn't seem like himself at all. He was really exhausted, and while he'd get a few zingers in there and he needled me a tiny bit about my personal life, that's not Grandpa. Grandpa interacts with everyone and everything, needing to know the intimate details of your personal life (even if you've only just met), and he's not stopping with the interrogation until he gets the info he wants. He does it in such an endearing way that perfect strangers offer up the most personal details without thinking twice about it. It's indescribable how he interacts with people. I'm constantly in awe of it.

Grandpa wasn't able to interact as much, and he was clearly very run down. It was hard to see him like that. I was hoping he would be able to feed off my energy a little bit, but I don't know how successful I was. All I want to do is be there for him and do anything I can - most of it's little stuff, like bringing him fluids to keep him hydrated, or helping Grandma with some housework, but I wish I could do something bigger to help him feel better. I did tell him that he has an entire army of supporters who are wanting him to do well - I said he has an entire team behind him, he's not going it alone, and we all want him to feel good. That seemed to help marginally.

Around 9:30 Grandpa went to bed. Since I have been alive, I have never once heard him say that he had to get to bed. Our family gatherings often start early afternoon and go late into the night, and he's always been up and active for the entire time. These are different times now. He was completely worn out and needed to sleep. I hope today he was re-energized having been around so much family, and I hope tomorrow is better than today, and the next day better than tomorrow. That may be all we can do at this point - hope, hope, hope.

Our coach was telling us we'd be pretty sore today, after the ridiculous run yesterday, but honestly the most sore part of my body isn't my legs - it's my heart. It feels like I could use a triple bypass.